July and the fine art of figuring out
a monthly memoir.
I started July procrastinating—that’s nothing new. I’ve been riding that wave all year long.
Starting off the month very strong, I put off filling out this quarterly alignment workbook until a full week into the month. Now, I won’t say the workbook did much or anything for my ‘alignment’ but what it did do, was point me to this YouTube mini-series How to Figure Out What to Do with Your Life.
See, I started my fifth year of medical school four months ago; turned twenty, three months ago and everyone I graduated secondary school with (the ones not in medical school that is) is either graduating later in the year or has already graduated. There has never been a time in my life when my future was in my own hands and figuring my metaphorical shit out was more pressing.
Examples of the kind of shit I’m having to figure out. “Do I take the US or UK post medical school pathways, do I write the USMLEs, whether/how to join more student associations and activities so that my currently very empty (I’m talking cobwebs empty) CV is not so empty by the end of medical school, should I do any electives post medical school, if so, where? what is the MORE I can do to set myself apart as a medical student and future doctor, is starting a business for me (everyone is starting a business)? How do I make money as a student? Should I invest? How can I spend my money better? Do I start something? How do I start something, anything!?”
Watching the mini-series, spurred me to do some much-needed, rarely-done introspection which is always a great thing. Although I’m still in the thick of ‘operation figure things out’ (it’s a work in progress), it mainly did two things for me. It was the driving force behind my starting this Substack and I uncovered something I am genuinely interested in and hopefully would be working on this August.
In short, you could say I went through a lot this past month but not as much as Dede UK did on this track.
By all means, July was not all terrible. I mean, I did start this Substack and there is nothing that gives me more joy than doing new things I never imagined doing. I got to go home and truly relax for the first time since April, I had the most amazing, laughter-filled time—I live for a good laugh—with my clinical posting group members.
Inspired by the novel, ‘Please Look After Mom’ by Shin Kyung-Sook (review coming soon), I learnt some things about my mum’s life pre-motherhood, and I went to bed feeling very warm and connected that night.
One fine day in July, presenting Patient A’s case to the senior doctor, I said, “Dizziness was insidious in onset and has progressively worsened…” The doctor replies, “What do you mean by progressively worsened?!” Ha, God! I improvise and say, “His episodes have increased in frequency.” He says, “Good, what was the frequency before and what is it now?” Sir, don’t ask me any fucking questions, wouldn’t the patient know if his condition has worsened? I resign, “Oh, I didn’t ask that.”
I felt angry at first, then embarrassed and finally annoyed. There’s always something new with you people in this medicine
I’d used “progressively worsened” countless times and never been questioned. July taught me that being a student means acceptance—accepting that to grow you must modify, and you must add. Accepting the growing pains. Accepting that you never fully know. With this acceptance comes gratitude: gratitude that I’m learning, improving, expanding. It is gratitude that my failings and ignorance are pointed out— sometimes not in the most palatable ways—because it means I am on the path to doing things right.
Growing pains. Definition: the struggles that people or organizations experience during growth.
Now, on to fun things…
July Media Roundup
My not-so-carefully curated YouTube and Spotify playlists featuring the best videos and songs I watched and listened to in July. If I do say so myself, I have impeccable taste, so definitely have a go at them. Shalom’s amazing, very interesting YouTube Playlist with no skips.
July brought growing pains. Looking forward to a great August filled with Substack subscribers (ᵕ—ᴗ—) and saying yes to more opportunities. To be part of my journey, do subscribe!